There is a favorite saying that goes:

“If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don’t, there love was never yours to begin with…”

In other words, if you love someone set her free. Give her the freedom she wants. Avoid being the controlling type. Let her manage her own life. That is how you want your life too, right? All of us need our own space and time for ourselves. Same thing with relationships. The secret to a long lasting relationship is keeping the friendship alive.

Love is a feeling that needs care and devotion. You need to devote time and effort. You need to keep the love alive. Keep the line of communication open. Talk less and listen more. When your wife or partner talks, she expects you to listen. Isn’t it that when you talk , you want the other person to listen to you too? Let the person with the issue at hand talk her heart out while you listen. Once she’s done, then you can start talking. Isn’t it good to see the person you care and love relieved of her tensions when you let her talk while you listen?

The Story

A friend was married for 15 years and she was blessed with 3 kids. They were a very happy couple in the early stage of their married life. They were able to build a home and send their kids to school.

The Set Up

With no one to take care of the kids and while the husband is out of work, the husband accepted the arrangement that he will be left behind to take care of the kids. The wife works for a living. As the kids grow older so are the living expenses of the family. The wife was forced to look for a high paying job. She found one, but at another city. She goes home often to visit the family whenever time allows. Few months later, she found out that while she was out working the husband was having an affair and was dating with another woman. It turned out that the husband’s other woman was their newly hired house help. Keeping a blind eye of what she has witnessed, the wife continued to make her way to bring good tidings to the family.

There was betrayal. She was betrayed. She was badly hurt. Because of love for the family she accepted her husband’s mistake and moved on with life. Years passed, the jobless husband continued to be dependent on his wife and also continued with his affair. He stays home while the wife works to bring food on the table.

She was totally okay with what she was doing. She love working. One day, her best friend told her that she saw her husband with yet another woman. She didn’t believe the story. After all, she love her husband. He was her first love. One day she went home without letting the family know she’s coming. When she arrives, she saw her husband flirting with the woman in the comfort of their own room. It was the saddest moment of her life. She was completely devastated.

The Issue

The couple’s line of communication was closed. The wife admits that there was no open communication between her and her husband. When she comes home from work, she’s tired. She doesn’t have time to listen to her husband. She’s always busy.

The husband admits that he was not happy with how things are going with their relationship. The wife was always busy at work while he is left to take care of the kids.

Who is to blame?

Is it the wife? Or, the husband?

Can the relationship be saved?

From the wife’s standpoint, it is irreparable. The love that she once had for her husband was totally gone when he betrayed her twice. She explains that one is enough but two is too much.

The husband, on the other hand, points out the shortcomings of the wife. Where is she when he needed him the most?

Can you blame the wife? She works for a living. The wife finds it hard to keep up with the family’s living expenses if she gets a job at the local area.

Share your thoughts.

Here is a story of a straight woman who was deeply in love with her long-time lesbian partner, but was betrayed and was devastated. They’ve been together for three years living the life every lesbian couple could imagine.

The betrayal

She trusted her lesbian partner. She caters to her needs and all that goes with the role of a housewife. She thinks that everything in their lesbian relationship was okay and that they will never separate ways. They promised to be together for the rest of their lives.

It turns out that her lesbian partner has a lesbian affair with another woman. She was very devastated. She never expected her lesbian partner to betray her after all that she did for her. The lesbian partner she thinks she will have for the rest of her life is having a lesbian affair with another woman.

Dear Jandi,

Breaking up with someone you love is the most painful and stressful thing that you can feel specially if your partner betrayed you. The person you thought you could trust and count on is no longer the person you believed them to be.

I would like to share how I deal with my emotions after the break up. I had a relationship with someone whom I’ve known during my teen age days.  Being in love will let you feel the happiest and the loneliest moments of your life. I am happy, seeing how happy she is with me feeling the love and care we shared. After three years  together  we broke up. Breaking up with someone you still love is hard however more pain will be caused by trying to stay together if the relationship truly cannot work out.

How dumb am I not to recognize the signs. Staying with someone having  an affair with someone else is not worth the effort .  I can’t believe I  wasted so much time and effort on a partner who didn’t appreciate what I’ve done.

I am angry with myself, with my ex partner and I feel so lost, alone and confused. It came to a point that ” I want to die now” to stop the pain. I keep wondering when the pain is ever going to stop. Trying to stop crying but the tears just keep coming. Finding it hard to focus on anything and thinking I am a total failure of love and  never have the kind of relationship I want. I don’t know how to get to the next step. I kept asking myself. Is it time to move on, but how?

Leaving the past behind is hard enough. I’m stuck in my room almost everyday and that makes me more crazy. Until I found myself letting go of the anger and pain. I need to accept that our relationship is over, and there will be no turning back. Contacts should be stopped. I know I am not the only woman to have experienced this kind of  heartache. I am having a hard time moving on but I must do something. I go to church regularly and pray. Prayers helps  a lot to regain my strength. I go out with friends and having fun, and shared my sorrows with them. It is a big relief to share your grief with someone else. And I was lucky enough to have few friends who are willing to listen to my sorrows and  support me during my grieving process.  I keep myself busy so as not to think of the anger and pain.

Betrayal changes everything. It changes one as a person. When trust is lost, anger persists. A broken heart full of pain and sorrows that is long and lasting. Experiencing betrayal is tough, but we should face our fears by taking risks, building positive relationships. So, I’m picking myself up and starting over.

Trying to remain friends after a break up usually doesn’t work. It is hard and awkward for both.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 God does have great plans for my life. After the storm comes the sun.To my surprise I found love from someone that I never thought would come. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But, people grow through experience.

From: Anonymous

Lesson from the Story:

Never give your all. Leave something for yourself. In other words, love yourself before loving somebody.

A Straight Woman Will Never Fall in Love with Another Woman

Many would argue that it is highly impossible for a straight woman to fall in love with another woman. And, that there could be no way a straight woman could fall in love with a lesbian or gay woman. However the reality is, it does happen. Perhaps the straight woman finds the lesbian or gay woman physically attractive and kind. Qualities of a person  that most women are looking for.

Straight women are just humans. They can be physically attracted to persons of the same sex. It can happen to anyone. You can be a straight man who falls in love with another man or a straight woman who falls in love with another woman. Or, you could have been in love with men your whole life and then suddenly finds yourself in love with another woman. You may have envied this woman before because she is more attractive and then finds yourself in a situation where you feel something different towards her.

It Can Happen and It Is Happening

Many women have had experiences falling in love with men their whole lives and then suddenly find themselves attracted towards persons of the same sex. They fall in love with men their whole lives but caught up in a situation where their feelings changed. This time the feeling is towards women and not with men.

When a straight woman falls in love with another woman, it doesn’t mean she wants to get laid, but the feeling is that of wanting to think of her and be around her all the time.

It Can Complicate Things

Falling in love with another woman, when you are a woman yourself, can be very complicated. You may experience excitement when you are feeling the love, but it may be that you are just being, curious? It can be that you want to be like the woman you are attracted to. Infatuation, perhaps? Or, it maybe that you are just wanting attention? Whatever it may be, the fact is, it can complicate things if you are not sure about it.

Check Your Love Radar

While it is nice to fall in love and be loved, you have to be very careful when you feel this kind of feeling. Check your love radar as to how deep your feeling towards the other woman is. If it is not deep enough you may just be experiencing something that most women go through. Curiosity? Infatuation, etc…? You do not have to act on it. You do not have to act in every situation you are in. There are things in life that you do not have to act at all. Just let it be…and with time it will go away.

And remember to keep the feelings to yourself. Don’t tell anyone. It is for your best interest, unless you can trust the person to keep your best secret.

If you feel you can’t live without the other woman’s love and affection, then perhaps you are truly in love. When that happens, just enjoy and cherish the moment.

If you are, are you the type of lesbian who is outgoing? Or someone who likes to be alone.

If you are outgoing then perhaps you have a bunch of loyal friends around you who can help you whenever help is needed. But, what if you happen to be an introvert type of lesbian who likes to be alone? When help is needed, no one is there to turn to.

That’s why a support group is important.

If you are a lesbian, being alone in your inner struggle to find peace for who you are can give your life some misery.

Here are the main reasons why your lesbian life can be miserable:

1. You want to come out as a lesbian, but is afraid to do so for fear of being rejected by family and friends.

2. You want to talk to someone who will understand you, but nobody is there to listen to you.

3. You want to get advise and suggestions on how to court the girl of your dreams, but there is nobody who can help you out.

4. You want to buy stuff that is useful to you, but you are afraid to do so because your family or friends may not like it.

5. And the things you like doing you cannot do because you are afraid of being caught as a lesbian.

The above are just some of the frustrating  instances in the life of lesbian without any lesbian support group. While some lesbians are tough and can live without it, others cannot.

Do yourself a big favor! If you are one of those that cannot do without, here are the things that you can do to have a life as a lesbian:

1. Seek out help from like-minded friends. If you are a lesbian who happens to have gay and lesbian friends, seek help from them. For sure, they will understand where you are coming from.

2. There are people who are gay/lesbian friendly. Talk to them if you find people who are gay friendly among your circle of friends.

3. There are many lesbian support groups you can seek help from. In the United States, lesbian support groups are present in almost every state around the country.

If all of the above sounds far reaching to you then there is no way for you to live life happily as a lesbian, but to go after what you think and feel is best for you.

There are many lesbians out whose hearts are breaking because they are afraid of coming out in the open and have no way of sharing their sufferings. If they do share, people don’t seem to care or understand what they’ve been going through. The only way to move on and be happy with life is to be who you are. In other words, acceptance is the key to a lesbian’s life happiness.

If you are then take a deep breath and think before you fall into a trap.

Most people who have a huge age gap, say 10 – 20 years age gap, are most likely to fail in the relationship.

Here are a few of the reasons why:

1. You will not have the same likes. People older have their own thing so with younger ones too. The older one likes the older ways and vice versa.

2. You will not have the same wants. For sure, because of your age gap, your wants will be very different.

3. You will not have the same sense of purpose in life. Older people tend to be more focused in life than younger ones with some exceptions.

4. You will not have the same wave length in any discussion. Older people are more serious in discussions than younger ones.

5. You will not have the same energy in anything you do. As people age, energy fades.

6. Jealousy will always ensue. Older people are the ones that usually gets jealous in the relationship.

As in any kind of relationship, the most that would most likely succeed are those couples who have the same wants and needs and fully understand each other.

So, how do you overcome not to fall into the age gap relationship problem?

Here are a few effective yet very simple solutions:

1. Date someone with your age. Dating someone with your age is the most ideal thing to do. Mostly people with the same age will have the same wants and needs.

2. If you can’t get away with it, date someone with just a 3 to 5 years age difference. In this way, things will most likely be the same as when you are both of the same age.

3. Don’t date someone with an age gap of 10 years and over. They are most likely the jealous ones as they will always feel insecure of themselves. They will always feel that the sooner the later you, as the younger person, will get someone younger or within your age bracket.

While there are those who succeed in their relationship despite the age gap issue, majority of these relationships fail for the reasons above indicated.

Stay away and don’t fall for someone who will later give your life some misery. If it’s not worth it, why bother. Always do a good favor to yourself.

Should you fall into this age gap relationship issue, talk to your inner self whether you can make your relationship work. However, it should not only be you who will do the work. Talk to your partner as to whether or not she is willing to sacrifice things that will work in favor of a healthy relationship. If it seems impossible, then slow down and look for a way to exit.

Any thoughts on this issue will be much appreciated.

The web video campaign is a somewhat similar effort that transpired in New York where well known celebrities all stepped forward in making attention grabbing appearances in a long running ad campaign. In June 2011, lawmakers in New York voted to legalize same-sex marriage making New York the largest state where gay and lesbian couples will be able to wed. New York’s marriage bill was approved 33 to 29.

On the other hand, the same-sex marriage bill in Maryland was killed by the Maryland General Assembly in March 2011 when leaders of the House was faced with uncertainty as to whether they had enough support to pass a final vote. The recent web video campaign is set to garner more support. The first web video campaign features no less than the Maryland chief executive Gov. Martin O’Malley.

Organizers of the same-sex web video campaign in Maryland vowed to produce a steady stream of supporters from now and until the Maryland General Assembly votes on the issue again in 2012.