Here is a story of a straight woman who was deeply in love with her long-time lesbian partner, but was betrayed and was devastated. They’ve been together for three years living the life every lesbian couple could imagine.

The betrayal

She trusted her lesbian partner. She caters to her needs and all that goes with the role of a housewife. She thinks that everything in their lesbian relationship was okay and that they will never separate ways. They promised to be together for the rest of their lives.

It turns out that her lesbian partner has a lesbian affair with another woman. She was very devastated. She never expected her lesbian partner to betray her after all that she did for her. The lesbian partner she thinks she will have for the rest of her life is having a lesbian affair with another woman.

Dear Jandi,

Breaking up with someone you love is the most painful and stressful thing that you can feel specially if your partner betrayed you. The person you thought you could trust and count on is no longer the person you believed them to be.

I would like to share how I deal with my emotions after the break up. I had a relationship with someone whom I’ve known during my teen age days.  Being in love will let you feel the happiest and the loneliest moments of your life. I am happy, seeing how happy she is with me feeling the love and care we shared. After three years  together  we broke up. Breaking up with someone you still love is hard however more pain will be caused by trying to stay together if the relationship truly cannot work out.

How dumb am I not to recognize the signs. Staying with someone having  an affair with someone else is not worth the effort .  I can’t believe I  wasted so much time and effort on a partner who didn’t appreciate what I’ve done.

I am angry with myself, with my ex partner and I feel so lost, alone and confused. It came to a point that ” I want to die now” to stop the pain. I keep wondering when the pain is ever going to stop. Trying to stop crying but the tears just keep coming. Finding it hard to focus on anything and thinking I am a total failure of love and  never have the kind of relationship I want. I don’t know how to get to the next step. I kept asking myself. Is it time to move on, but how?

Leaving the past behind is hard enough. I’m stuck in my room almost everyday and that makes me more crazy. Until I found myself letting go of the anger and pain. I need to accept that our relationship is over, and there will be no turning back. Contacts should be stopped. I know I am not the only woman to have experienced this kind of  heartache. I am having a hard time moving on but I must do something. I go to church regularly and pray. Prayers helps  a lot to regain my strength. I go out with friends and having fun, and shared my sorrows with them. It is a big relief to share your grief with someone else. And I was lucky enough to have few friends who are willing to listen to my sorrows and  support me during my grieving process.  I keep myself busy so as not to think of the anger and pain.

Betrayal changes everything. It changes one as a person. When trust is lost, anger persists. A broken heart full of pain and sorrows that is long and lasting. Experiencing betrayal is tough, but we should face our fears by taking risks, building positive relationships. So, I’m picking myself up and starting over.

Trying to remain friends after a break up usually doesn’t work. It is hard and awkward for both.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 God does have great plans for my life. After the storm comes the sun.To my surprise I found love from someone that I never thought would come. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But, people grow through experience.

From: Anonymous

Lesson from the Story:

Never give your all. Leave something for yourself. In other words, love yourself before loving somebody.

I met a beautiful lesbian girl about a year ago. There was not anything that I would not do for her or give her. I had always treated her like a queen. We began going out to lunch and sometimes dinner and, on some occasions, she would visit me at my home. The last time we were together she said that she would like to perform domamatrix on me and I agreed! It was the most wonderful eleven hours of passionate love making that I had ever experienced in my life! She kept telling me how much she loved me and how many ways that she loved me, and I believed her. I was already in love with her, now I am hopelessly, head over heels in love with her! I even hope to marry her one day if she would have me but she seems to hate me for not stopping her from making love to me. I have not heard from her in over a month and I have called her a dozen times. I’m afraid that I have lost the only woman that I have ever truly loved. My heart is broken and I feel so lost without her in my life. I would do almost anything to have her back. I had told her that I would commit to only her prior to our love making. I had also been without sex almost five years before her and I had gotten together.

Do you have any advice for me?

Answer:

Move on with your life. It is hard to love one sided. It is even harder when you are the only one who is making all the moves. Love has to be between two souls sharing life together as one. If she has not communicated with you in over a month after calling her a dozen times then something is wrong with the relationship. Perhaps there is no relationship at all. How do you know she is your one true love? Maybe she was just curious about you or maybe she just want to satisfy her craving of you. In short, maybe it was just pure lust when she spent time with you. Experimenting? Possible! It is very common knowledge that beautiful words will come out from the mouth of a person if that person wants something from you. Believe it or not….it is so true.

A person who truly loves someone will do anything to make her happy. You did that for her because you love her. But, did she showed love in return? You can tell if she loves you if she did something for you besides making love. If all she does, is make love and nothing else, then it is a different story.

It seems like she didn’t care for you at all. A person who cares will make an effort to communicate with you even when she’s very busy. A month of absence with no word at all creates a sign that she is not interested in you. In other words, she is not serious in your relationship. Unless something bad happens to her, she should have at least communicated with you if she loves you and care about you. An email or even a short text message can change all that. Being quite for such a long time is something that you should take into consideration. Stop before it hurts you more. There are many out there who are looking for someone like you.  Remember, the world is huge.

Let’s face it. No matter how hard we try to maintain a good and meaningful relationship towards our partners, it does sometimes fail.

Here are the probable culprits:

• Lack of trust. When there are negative events happening which go unprocessed they are most likely remembered and repeatedly rehearsed and turned over and over in a person’s mind. When this happens, trust erodes. In other words, with the continuous bombardment of negative events in the relationship these will create havoc and could possibly evolve the continuous erosion of trust and the increasing chance of betrayal.

Trust is an important part in any kind of relationship. When trust fails, relationship fails.

• No mutual understanding. Both parties must mutually understand each other. Without it, relationship has the tendency to fail. As a couple, you must mutually work together for your common interest. There must be harmony and a mutual affection for each other’s needs. You must both realize that your relationship was built because both of you mutually love and understand each other.

• No mutual respect. No matter what our standing in life is, we deserve some kind of respect. So does in a relationship. Partners must fully respect each other in order to build a good and meaningful relationship.

So, how do you make your relationship successful?

As human beings we are born to fail or succeed. And success or failure lies within us.

Keep the trust, respect and understanding for each other.  Love, desire, common goals and interest can be the forces that bring two people together, but it is trust, respect and understanding that keep them together.

However, to attain all of the above, you must, first and foremost, have a good relationship with yourself. You cannot have a good and meaningful relationship with your partner or the people around you when you cannot even build a good and meaningful relationship with yourself.

Here are some scenarios as to why some wives have lesbian affairs:

1. The husband lacks the charm and warmth;

2. The husband is not caring;

3. The husband does not show love at all;

4. The husband is irresponsible;

5. The husband lacks the personality wives are looking for;

6. The wife is gay or lesbian. What type of lesbian is she?

7. The wife feels complete when being with a lesbian.

The list can go on. These husbands then want their wives to feel guilty about their lesbian affairs. So, how can a husband do it?

Here are some tips to make your wife feel guilty about her lesbian affair:

1. Do the opposite of the above first five scenarios. That means you have to be more responsible, loving, caring, etc.

2. Be intimate to your wife;

3. Pamper your wife more than how a lesbian pamper her.

4. Have an open communication with your wife.

5. Lastly, pamper and pamper, but not to the extent of suffocating her.

Somehow, a wife who feels loved and cared for by the man she marries will most likely refrain from doing what she should not be doing. Women like to be pampered all the time and that’s the key to having your wife back.

However, no matter how hard you try to make your wife feel guilty about her lesbian affair, there is nothing you can do if your wife is a lesbian.

Can that happen?

Yes. These are women who later in their lives realize that they are lesbians and want to be with women rather than with men.

While this can be painful to the husband, this can also be painful to the wife who now feels unhappy being tied to the marriage bond. The wife who later in her married life realizes she is a lesbian and wants to be with another woman will nowhere have room for happiness even being with a caring, loving and responsible husband.

So, why do married men feel they are threatened by lesbians?

Lesbians are known for being so caring, loving, open and very intimate to their partners and these lesbian attitudes toward their partners can be considered threat to men especially the married ones.

Yes, it can be fun, exciting and flattering if you, as a woman, is able to attract both persons of the same and opposite sex. But, what if you are already married? Now, that’s a disadvantage.

While a woman who is single may find it enjoyable to be with another woman, it could turn a family life apart in the case of a married woman. A single woman, unlike married women, can choose to have a lesbian affair. She may be free to do so as she has no commitment with anyone. And, unlike single women, a married woman’s emotional freedom is tied to the marriage vows. While there are husbands who openly accept their wives having a lesbian affair, still others hate to hear and see their wives having a lesbian affair. The freedom to have an affair for a married woman is no longer present. And if she choose to do so, there are great repercussions she has to face.

If you are one of the many married women who cannot survive without keeping the lesbian affair, here are some helpful tips you can take:

1. Be honest with your husband. Talk to your husband openly about the whole situation. This can be a great relief on your part if you are able to release the guilt that you’ve been holding up inside. Don’t hide it, instead talk it out. You need to lift that heavy burden that you’ve been carrying all along with you all this while. Expect the discussion to be dirty but don’t forget to keep your core. Explain to the best of your ability as to why you are feeling that way. It maybe that you found out later in your marriage life that you are a lesbian or you are just confused or that you already knew that you are a bi-sexual woman before you married your husband.

2. Be true to yourself. Being honest with yourself can help you find your way. What is it in life that do you really want? What makes you happy? These are common questions that may help you decide in life. Will it make you happy and life more fulfilling if you are beside your lesbian lover?

3. Follow your heart. Love is like a poison. It sometimes is uncontrollable. If you follow the dictates of your heart will it make you happy? Then go for it. In life, it is just a matter of choice and whatever choice you make, make sure you’ll have no regrets.

If you are a woman who has a lesbian affair, feels guilty about it and want to make things straight, here are some helpful tips:

1. Back off. Disconnect yourself from a possible lesbian affair. Think about why you married your husband in the first place. Why did you? Avoid every possible connection with the lesbian. The lesbian affair can hit hard on you if you let your emotion in. It can be fun and exciting at first, but once emotion runs deep it can make things complicated. This can lead you to getting more confused about yourself and how to go about a lesbian affair while you’re married. Erase all contact information or gifts you may have received from the lesbian. Getting rid of these will help you move on.

2. Pray. Prayer is the best weapon to fight a war against emotion. Pray, it works! It never fails!

3. Family first. Spend more time with your family. Tending to your family’s affair is more of an obligation than a responsibility.

This is a letter from husband who endured lots of pain and jealousy because of wife’s lesbian affair.

Wife Has a Lesbian Affair

Pardon me as a man for reading and joining in. My wife is in love with a lesbian. She is still in love with me too. There are many complexities which I don’t need to go into here, but I do want to say that we have all been making it work for more than six years now. This dyke was attracted to my wife and became her best friend for about a year before letting her know about her attraction. When she did begin to try to draw her to her sexually, she talked with me about it at key points. They didn’t sleep together or even kiss before we all agreed it was all right. I was willing for my wife to have a woman lover but I had no idea how far they would go. Everything said here about how only a woman can give a woman what she needs, and about the feeling of intensity and addiction, rings true to their experience. Yes I have struggled with lots of pain and jealousy. But I can see my wife’s happiness and knowing that she still loves and wants me makes such a difference. All the relationships between us have grown close and intimate over time. If this dyke hadn’t gone with her heart feelings none of this would have happened. On balance I am glad she was not prudent or careful.

What Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger

The husband should weigh a million times before ever thinking of leaving the wife because of the pain and jealousy the lesbian affair brings. He should keep in mind why he married his wife in the first place.

The husband should think that:

1. Lesbian affairs usually will not last long
2. There are many ways of making his wife want him more
3. Perhaps relocating to a new place could help save the marriage
4. Getting a counseling is helpful
5. There is no other way but to accept his wife for who she is with the hope that the lesbian affair will stop

There is no point keeping the wife, however, when there is no love anymore. But, as long as the love is still alive, the marriage vows is worth fighting for.

Remember the days you were still courting your wife. If you have to do it again, do it. Make your wife want you more instead of surrendering your manhood. Be a man and fight for your wife and for what you believe in is right. If you are concerned about your wife’s happiness. Sit down and talk to her, heart and soul. If she says she still loves you then maybe she is just confused of how things are going for herself. If that’s the case, things are in your favor. Make her believe that your marriage is worth saving than the lesbian affair. Go on a vacation. It’s a healthy way of rekindling the past.

If you are into this situation, what will you do? Any thoughts?