Here is a story of a straight woman who was deeply in love with her long-time lesbian partner, but was betrayed and was devastated. They’ve been together for three years living the life every lesbian couple could imagine.

The betrayal

She trusted her lesbian partner. She caters to her needs and all that goes with the role of a housewife. She thinks that everything in their lesbian relationship was okay and that they will never separate ways. They promised to be together for the rest of their lives.

It turns out that her lesbian partner has a lesbian affair with another woman. She was very devastated. She never expected her lesbian partner to betray her after all that she did for her. The lesbian partner she thinks she will have for the rest of her life is having a lesbian affair with another woman.

Dear Jandi,

Breaking up with someone you love is the most painful and stressful thing that you can feel specially if your partner betrayed you. The person you thought you could trust and count on is no longer the person you believed them to be.

I would like to share how I deal with my emotions after the break up. I had a relationship with someone whom I’ve known during my teen age days.  Being in love will let you feel the happiest and the loneliest moments of your life. I am happy, seeing how happy she is with me feeling the love and care we shared. After three years  together  we broke up. Breaking up with someone you still love is hard however more pain will be caused by trying to stay together if the relationship truly cannot work out.

How dumb am I not to recognize the signs. Staying with someone having  an affair with someone else is not worth the effort .  I can’t believe I  wasted so much time and effort on a partner who didn’t appreciate what I’ve done.

I am angry with myself, with my ex partner and I feel so lost, alone and confused. It came to a point that ” I want to die now” to stop the pain. I keep wondering when the pain is ever going to stop. Trying to stop crying but the tears just keep coming. Finding it hard to focus on anything and thinking I am a total failure of love and  never have the kind of relationship I want. I don’t know how to get to the next step. I kept asking myself. Is it time to move on, but how?

Leaving the past behind is hard enough. I’m stuck in my room almost everyday and that makes me more crazy. Until I found myself letting go of the anger and pain. I need to accept that our relationship is over, and there will be no turning back. Contacts should be stopped. I know I am not the only woman to have experienced this kind of  heartache. I am having a hard time moving on but I must do something. I go to church regularly and pray. Prayers helps  a lot to regain my strength. I go out with friends and having fun, and shared my sorrows with them. It is a big relief to share your grief with someone else. And I was lucky enough to have few friends who are willing to listen to my sorrows and  support me during my grieving process.  I keep myself busy so as not to think of the anger and pain.

Betrayal changes everything. It changes one as a person. When trust is lost, anger persists. A broken heart full of pain and sorrows that is long and lasting. Experiencing betrayal is tough, but we should face our fears by taking risks, building positive relationships. So, I’m picking myself up and starting over.

Trying to remain friends after a break up usually doesn’t work. It is hard and awkward for both.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 God does have great plans for my life. After the storm comes the sun.To my surprise I found love from someone that I never thought would come. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But, people grow through experience.

From: Anonymous

Lesson from the Story:

Never give your all. Leave something for yourself. In other words, love yourself before loving somebody.

Do you like playing around with women?

Then, stop if you can.

It is a fact that when a lesbian shows she likes a woman, the woman would not only appreciate it but would most likely embrace it.

The Scene

A woman who is in her late 50’s has a huge crush on a lesbian in her early 40’s. Let’s hide their real names as “X” and “Y”. X being the lesbian and Y, the woman in her late 50’s. Both belong to a group composed of lesbian couples, straight women and single lesbians.

The two are both single and available. Being without partners, they were the subject of “who gets who” in the group. This situation made both X and Y very uncomfortable in each other’s company as when they are left alone there will be teasing and laughing by the rest of the group members. In response, X and Y made an arrangement to just make fun out of it.

Not known to X, Y has a huge crush on her. Y, on the other hand, is unaware that X likes her eyes. X would play around with Y when it became known to X that Y really liked her. She would tease her around when in the group and when Y calls X over the phone. Y liked the way she was teased by X. Then Y falls for X. Y got so crazy that she calls X every now and then. She would also send X text messages that leads to something deeper than mere call for friendship.

X, knowing that Y liked her and started to fall for her, continued to just play and tease around Y, who also did not complain of X playfulness because of a previous arrangement. Then, it came to a point when Y acknowledges falling very deeply for X. Y eventually lost her appetite for work and numerous sleepless nights. She admits imagining being with X in all her daily affairs. In short, she kept on daydreaming and wishing they could be together in the end.

Friends within the group noticed how bad X’s playing and teasing around Y affected Y. Y couldn’t eat and sleep. She also lost her appetite to work. Y was in a bad shape.

The Lesson

“Don’t play the game if you can’t take the pain”. This is a popular adage to gamers and players. It’s a win or lose situation so if you cannot accept losing then don’t dare play the game.

X, in the story, played a great role in the sad state Y is in now, but Y partly is to blame. She played the game too that X played. She was aware X was just playing and teasing around with her yet she continued to accept how she was being played and teased by X.

While X fully regrets what she did to Y, the pain is already there. Y felt the pain deeply that X left in her heart because all the while she thought that X’s playing and teasing around with her were all for real. She mistakenly thought X was serious in her feelings, though in a very playful way.

Women’s feelings are very fragile. No one should play around with it, unless one is serious in what she is doing. Since women by nature are tender with hearts’ so delicate, they should be treated with care and caution. Playing and teasing should have no place if it results to hurting the other person’s feelings.

Let’s face it. No matter how hard we try to maintain a good and meaningful relationship towards our partners, it does sometimes fail.

Here are the probable culprits:

• Lack of trust. When there are negative events happening which go unprocessed they are most likely remembered and repeatedly rehearsed and turned over and over in a person’s mind. When this happens, trust erodes. In other words, with the continuous bombardment of negative events in the relationship these will create havoc and could possibly evolve the continuous erosion of trust and the increasing chance of betrayal.

Trust is an important part in any kind of relationship. When trust fails, relationship fails.

• No mutual understanding. Both parties must mutually understand each other. Without it, relationship has the tendency to fail. As a couple, you must mutually work together for your common interest. There must be harmony and a mutual affection for each other’s needs. You must both realize that your relationship was built because both of you mutually love and understand each other.

• No mutual respect. No matter what our standing in life is, we deserve some kind of respect. So does in a relationship. Partners must fully respect each other in order to build a good and meaningful relationship.

So, how do you make your relationship successful?

As human beings we are born to fail or succeed. And success or failure lies within us.

Keep the trust, respect and understanding for each other.  Love, desire, common goals and interest can be the forces that bring two people together, but it is trust, respect and understanding that keep them together.

However, to attain all of the above, you must, first and foremost, have a good relationship with yourself. You cannot have a good and meaningful relationship with your partner or the people around you when you cannot even build a good and meaningful relationship with yourself.

Can you spot the difference?

Unless you have experienced a lesbian relationship with these two types of women, you can never tell if loving one can be better off than the other.

Lesbian Relationship With a Gay Woman

Entering into a lesbian relationship with a woman who is known to be gay can give you a peace of mind. Why? Consider the following points:

• She is gay. Once gay will always be gay. In other words, there is an assurance that she will not be into guys. And if this is something that worries you a lot then you are pretty safe.
• She is more focused on the relationship. Gay women are known to be more focused on building a good lesbian relationship rather than wait and stick around for a while.
• She knows where you are coming from. A gay woman can relate to your feelings. She can easily understand you from within. Isn’t it not that you both feel the same in the first place?

Lesbian Relationship with a Straight Woman

If you experienced having a relationship with a straight woman chances are you have gone through some frustrations and discouraging moments in your lesbian life. And the reason is plain and simple:

• She is straight. As such, there will come a point in her life that she will crave the presence of a guy. You are lucky if that doesn’t play out in her mind. Can you make her feel guilty?
• She may want to have kids of her own. You are very lucky if she has already kids of her own, but chances are if she has none she will definitely want one. The absence of kids sometimes creates a void in a lesbian relationship.

Lesbian Attraction

While it is more advantageous to be with a gay woman rather than with a straight woman, majority of lesbians prefer to have a straight woman in their lives. The reason behind can be gleaned from the fact that:

• You can easily hide a lesbian relationship if you are still not out of the closet.
• Having a relationship with a straight woman can boost one’s ego, especially to the butch type of lesbians.
• Lesbians are more attracted to straight women.

Be that as it may, the success of a relationship, or its failure, is not measured by who you are with or what she is, it is what is in your heart. If you are willing to pour your heart out to the person you care about then all things can be made possible.

True love. This is what everybody is looking for. Whatever your sex preference is, there will surely come a point in your life when you will crave for one special person you wish to have that you can call your own. You wish you can have someone you can spend the rest of your life with. Who says she does not need anyone?

Do you know that it is a nice feeling to have when you can say to your family and friends you belong to someone or that someone belongs to you?

It is. It’s that sense of belongingness that can make your world go round. When you are in love that is so true and that other person feels the same way towards you, it can mean everything to you.

So, how do you know when you have it?

Do you feel this way?

• You love and respect her.
• You always crave for her presence. This means you want to spend each and every moment of the day and night with her.
• You get so inspired. You want to excel in all things you do and make her proud.
• You want to give her everything. To provide her the things that she cannot have or cannot afford to have.
• You want to take care of her that even the slightest scar will make you worry.
• You want to pamper her with tender loving care.
• You want to cook for her. Anything that she likes to eat.
• You always have meeting of the minds. If not always, at least most of the time.
• You don’t get angry easily. If you do, you are always willing to submit to her.
• You are very open to communication.
• You are willing to accept all her flaws.
• You learn to forgive and forget.
• You get jealous, but you are careful about it.
• You want to be always romantic to her.
• You want to always make her happy.
• You are happy when she is happy.
• She changed your world.

The list can go on. And it’s all because you are so in love with her.

But, does she feel the same way towards you?

If yes, then you definitely have found your one true love. If not, you got to be careful about it and perhaps you need to move on with life. One sided love affair is no good at all.

Here is a letter from one of our readers asking for the lesbian community’s support. A real and honest advise will surely let her weigh things over so she can move on with less pain in her heart. The tenor of the letter has not been changed, except the name, which we will keep private.

Jandi-

I need some perspective. I fell in love with a woman from work back in February. She’s 10 years older (I’m 39, she’s 49), and married (for 13 years), with a 5 year old son. She was with women prior to getting married, and her husband knew of her bisexuality prior to them marrying. She married a man, she says, because the lesbian drama and break-up was too much for her to handle: she wanted something stable and less emotional. Now she’s emotionally starved and she and her husband get along terribly; they fight constantly even in front of their son and guests, they have no emotional connection (her husband says he’s incapable of “doing the emotional connection thing,” and they haven’t had sex in more than 2 years. (The no sex thing is confirmed by her husband, by the way.)

We didn’t intend to start anything, but as we became closer friends, an emotional and then sexual relationship developed. She’s very hesitant to leave her marriage due to the impact on her son and also on her elderly parents. But she’s also made clear that she wants to be with me. She and her husband and son are away together for the summer, and she’s asked for no contact from me until they return in late August. We had several fights in the days leading up to her departure, and I’m afraid I’ve scared her off. I’m afraid I’m being played, but I also know that she told her husband about us prior to leaving for the summer. They did a few couples therapy sessions prior to leaving where she was able to talk about me, and her need for an emotional relationship, and the possibility that she would go back to women. On the other hand, she never promised to leave her marriage for me; not until the last day before she left, when she told me 4 times that she promised to come back to me. She never says things lightly, and has always faced-up to saying the truth, even if it’s difficult for me to hear.

I don’t know what to believe. I feel like my mind is playing games on me….partly saying I should be done with her, and other parts saying I should definitely wait. I’m a total mess with this flip-flopping. Plus this no contact thing is excruciating–and I haven’t been perfect at it (I’ve sent 2 texts in the 2 weeks since she left, with no response to either.) I’m sick about this whole thing.

What’s your experience with these kinds of situations? Where do things go? How should I prepare? How do I make it through another 8 weeks?

Mya