A problem is an issue or an obstacle which makes it difficult for a person to reach a certain goal, objective or purpose. In fact, it has become part of our daily lives as we experience uncertainty or difficulty in achieving what we want to achieve at a certain period of time.
The problems you may face may be different from others but problems are always present no matter what your status in life is — young or old, married or single, rich or poor, gay or straight. Every individual has a problem of his/her own. It may be big or small, difficult or easy to solve but problems are always there. Yet, problems can be a challenge which could either make or break any relationship, including lesbian relationships.
Lesbian relationships are also faced with problems just like any kind of relationships. The most common problems faced by lesbians who are in a lesbian relationship with someone are:
1. Distance. Lesbians who are deeply in love with each other but are separated by distance sometimes fall apart. The other may not be able to take it at heart that the one she loves is not around when she needed her the most. It can be heart wrenching and disappointing.
Solution: Communicate more often through web chat with a web camera. While this solution can not replace the presence of the other, it can ease the pain. Relocate if you have the chance to do so before love fades away.
2. Communication. A lesbian relationship problem may stem from poor communication skills.
Solution: Make time for each other and remember that a large part of communication is listening.
3. Sex. A lesbian couple who love each other may be sexually incompatible and yet having sex should be the last thing every lesbian couple should be giving up. “Please dear, not tonight!”
Solution: Plan, plan, plan, not necessarily tonight when both are tired. When you add sex in the calendar, it increases your anticipation. You may want to try mixing things up a bit like sex in the kitchen or sex by the fire as it can increase your sexual enjoyment. Remember sex brings us closer together, releases hormones that helps our bodies both physically and mentally and keeps the chemistry healthy.
4. Money. Money problems can start even before you decide to stay together as a lesbian couple.
Solution: Take a deep breath, sit it down with your partner and have a serious conversation about finances. Don’t approach the subject in the heat of an argument. Set a time instead that is convenient and non-threatening for both parties. Be open and be honest with each other and don’t hide or blame one another. Decide which person will be responsible to pay a certain bill and construct a joint budget that includes savings for the future. With this recession, if one is out of work, it may be better off discontinuing the same lifestyle that was possible before the loss of income. Give each other independence by setting aside money that she can spend at her own discretion.
5. Home Chores. Struggles in home chores will definitely take place especially when both partners are working.
Solution: It is important to equitably divide the labor. Organize and be clear about who is responsible for a certain house chore, but be fair by making sure each partner’s tasks are equal to avoid resentments. If you both hate doing house chores, be open to other solutions like hiring a cleaning service. If one likes doing house chore, swap responsibilities by taking the one that you like doing. Make sure the arrangement is fair enough for both parties.
6. Trust. Is there certain behavior that causes you to not trust your partner?
Solution: An essential part of every relationship, trust can be developed by both parties in a lesbian relationship. Don’t lie and be fair. Do what you say you will do, avoid being jealous and respect each other’s boundaries. Be a good listener to your partner and be sensitive to her feelings.
7. Conflict. Conflict is inevitable. It is part of life.
Solution: Learn to argue in a more constructive manner by making a choice whether to react and how to react. You can’t control anyone else behavior, but you can control yours. Don’t argue when both heads are hot!
8. Not prioritizing the lesbian relationship. Lesbians in love who wants to keep the love going should not attempt to disregard the lesbian relationship itself. Both should make the lesbian relationship a focal point in their lives.
Solution: Do the things you both used to do when you were first dating. Continue to show interest in each other even by making simple gestures of appreciation or compliment for each other. When both are working, make sure you contact each other everyday and end the conversation with an “I Love You!” Schedule a time together for a date and don’t forget to show respect for each other by saying “Thank You” or “I appreciate it”. In this way, you let your partner know that she matters.
9. When a woman is married and/or have kids. Married women who later in their married lives realize that they are not meant for their husbands face the biggest problem as they are turn between realizing their dreams of being with another woman and family responsibility.
Solution: Weigh things a million times. A married woman with a lesbian affair faces a lot of challenges. The same holds true when a woman enters into a lesbian affair with a married woman. When making a decision, be fair to everyone involved.