Lesbian Affair With A Married Woman
There are lesbians who have had experience having a relationship with a married woman. While this may not sound right anymore, there are those who are willing to fight for their feelings. They will try to hide the relationship or pretend to be just friends.
So, why are these married women attracted to lesbians anyway? It can come to only one thing. Only a woman knows what a woman wants.
Think that this kind of relationship will last? You are wrong. Majority of lesbian relationships with married women are short lived. Hardly can you find a lesbian relationship with a married woman survive a long way. If there is, then it’s one in a million.
The reason? First and foremost is that, if given a choice, the married woman will definitely choose family before lesbian affair. She will, of course, protect her integrity first and that of her family, especially if there are children involved. It is all the more true if the community is small and everybody knows everybody. News of the affair can spread so easily and end up the affair so quickly.
If you or someone you know is into this kind of mess, here is one tip to share. Back off! It is better to be hurt than feel sorry. Back off while still in the early stage of the relationship. Be aware that the woman is married and that you don’t have the right to spoil or ruin it. If you let the feelings go a long way, you might have a hard time finding yourself again.
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I sincerely believe everything written here. Mine is a lesbian, scorn by a woman, who turned to a man, but is unhappy and pursues me because I represent who she’s genuinely attracted to. However, there are children involved. Beyond that, we work together and I actually teach her oldest child. We’re an interracial couple too. So…society would count that as 5 strikes against us anyway. I just can’t stop thinking about her. And she initiated our communication. I feel like if she made a decision to stay in her unhappy marraige then I would respect that and emotionally move on. But she insists that she only wants me. I know…actions speak louder than words… I just hope neither of us gets hurt. I would love to meet someone else to take my attention from her. That would be AWESOME! Tay
Taylor,
Welcome to y-woo! I understand. Having a relationship with a married woman is such a pain. It’s totally wrong also especially when there are kids involved. While the good memories may linger, think of the bad as well so you can move on. It may be hard but you will get there. Have faith in yourself.
I’m coming from the other side of the fence so to speak. I am a seemingly-on-the-outside happily married woman who has fallen in love with a lesbian. I have always questioned my sexuality, and always thought that since I didn’t *know* then I must not be gay myself, otherwise I would *know* — it’s like ‘straight’ is a default setting for those who can’t declare otherwise with surety. So I go along for my whole teens, twenties, and thirties, having sex with men but always, without exception, fantasizing about being with women. Now that I have been with my girlfriend for a few months though, it’s getting sort of beyond comlpicated. She is farther along on this than I am. I am still catching my breath, coming out to myself, realizing that this and about a million other things I have denied from myself for years…that I don’t know myself or honor myself in the way that I should, that I am driven by fear – fear of hurting people, fear of being alone, fear of judgment, fear that this relationship won’t work either and I should just cut my losses and stay in an alright marriage rather than gamble on a new one. Even though the marriage is with a man, and we have not been sexual for going on a year now, and I don’t miss it one bit. Problem? Kids. I have 2 of them. 2 different dads. I am the glue that keeps them sisters growing up in the same house…another custody trade-off upheaval? I fear that I can’t do it. They are still little; I would be waiting years to make any changes in the family if I wait for them to grow up/leave the house…She will certianly be long gone by then. Being in love with someone who has a husband, even a roomate-like husband, who doesn’t suspect what’s going on, is taking its toll on her. She is stressed, she is hurt and scared and has doubts that my relationship is really as blah with him as I describe it. She has seen us together and sees the lack of physical affection, but thinks he still feels connected to me. If I didn’t have the babies I’d already be out and with her as a partner all out loud and in public. But I’m trying to do this right; I’m in therapy; I want to navigate this in a way that won’t rip everyone’s hearts out; I want it to work out somehow – i get these creative solutions in my mind like a duplex, but would he go for that? would she? And why are all my questions about what they want, what they can tolerate? My heart will be breaking for her if we stop seeign each other, or for him if I tell him, or for me if I stay with him and don’t say anything and just forget the whole sexuality issue and go back to being a dissatisfied but smiling soccer mom.
Here’s MY question………….what about her? In terms of support/books/websites? *I* have a ton of resources. She is feeling like a homewrecker and an outsider, and I don’t know where to point her (other than, she is in therapy with a woman who seems a wee bit judgmental and bascially said – run as fast as you can, affairs are bad and married woman don’t leave) — anything you guys know of???
Dina,
Understand. Been involved with a married woman with kids. The way you describe the whole situation reminds of a past. Decided to let go of each other b/c of the kids. Very painful separation but it was worth it. Kids are happy having mom and dad at home helping them with homework and eating out. In life, sometimes you have to make major choices. I chose what is right for the kids even if it means taking away my happiness.
OMG…wow, I can’t believe I came across this website. I am a “single” lesbian who has been dating a married woman for almost 6months. I never did anything like this…I always believed in staying away from married people…morals…but, I “fell” for her. by the way, when I met her (online) and then in person, I didn’t know she was married…just kids only. The second date, I found out…and yes I made the choice to persue cause I felt such a connection and chemistry. She is in a empty marriage, hasn’t been with her husband sexually for over a year, but has children. That’s why staying in the marriage unhappy. As for me, it’s hard. She will every now and then try to get rid of me, meaning telling me its not fair to me…she can’t and not able to be 100% in love cause of her situation and that I deserve to find another who is single like me. But at the same time, I know she truly “fell” for me too…but, she seems to try to be “stronger” and let me go and just wants to be friends only. I am having a hard time to let the “relationship” go and just be friends. Selfish I know, and ashame to say it too. I just haven’t felt like this for so many years for another till I met her…and the suck part is she is married and there will never be a her and I only relationship cause she said she won’t leave the marriage. Also, after the talks we have about “ending us” and be friends only, we always fall into being with each other like girlfriends…like our hearts can’t stop loving each other. My heart is hurting and hoping is there anyone out there who can chat with me?
Welcome jp! Lesbian love is already complicated like rejection from family and friends. It gets more complicated when the affair involves a married woman and even more so complicated when there are kids involved. But it’s a matter of choice. Are you ready to face the consequences? If you aren’t, move on. Eventually, time will heal all the wounds.
We have made available some dating sites here so take your pick and start chatting.
Hello, I’m also involved with a 10-yr older than me married woman for a little less than 6 months. The love that has emerged between us is so strong that she has attempted to leave her husband and move away. She put her house on sale and even let her family know. She has a gay history from an earlier stage of her life but circumstances led her to get married to a man for the wrong reasons. The biggest obstacles for an independent relationship are that the house won’t sell due to the housing situation, and that she has 3 kids, 1 from a different dad and 2 with her current husband. This man has shown nothing but incompetence and lack of affection towards her and her kids even more with the oldest (not his) and that is the main reason why she does not want to continue her marriage. Her 3 kids have bonded real well with me, show me a lot of affection and even miss me when i don’t come around after a while. I love them too, and I’m willing to do as much as I can to complete them. We have also gone through the “i’ll be strong for you and step off so you can stop living a lie” stage from both parties several times. Her husband suspects, has asked her a couple of times and knows that we have slept together plenty of times friendly-like but never had the guts to confront her llike a real man would. He’s 10 years older than her, and knows me. She gets mad at me cause lately when he’s around us i remain silent and she believes that makes him think something’s up. Then again, i think to myself why does she worry if she says she’s willing to leave him for me, he will eventually realize what had been going on. This last break up has shown me I won’t get over her unless i start another relationship with someone else. I cheated on my girlffriend with her 6 mnths ago and now I’m back seeing this girl whle she’s dating someone else. So im a double cheater. Weird huh… Now back to the married woman, she gets extremely jealous that i do something with someone else but already agreed along with me that we are better off as friends. I know sooner or later we’ll end up in bed again cause the love is abundant and strong. I pushed this too far, and I feel like I’m going insane. Drawing my hope towards something that may never be. She keeps telling me that she’ll be single soon, but I know she will do whatever for her kids’ sanity. With this said i also cannot believe i found this website and im grateful i can freely share my experience with you all. I would suggest all of you with the same or similar problem to step off before you get so hurt you dont wanna trust anyone ever again, or even worse, karma is a bitch and will get you for being a cheater. Thanx!
@ Antonia. Welcome and thanks for sharing. Each lesbian who had been in a relationship with a married woman has a different and unique story to tell but it all points to the same issue — that having a relationship with a married woman is complicated. If someone says otherwise or has a different story, your welcome to share it here.
I was wondering where all you are located? I am in NY…just wondering if we all can chat one day thro AIM. Like a “support group” lol…seriously, it’s nice to meet others who have experience this complicated married woman relationship thing. Cause this is the very first for me, being with someone married with kids…at times I feel like I am a “home wrecker” … always was a good girl till I allow myself to fall for the “wrong” woman (married) Anyway, thanks for listening.
I am so glad I found this website! I am a happily mariied woman of 15 years and was fortunate enough to marry a man that is everything I wanted in a man and more. We are close and share everything! I have even shared with him my desires to share our bed with another woman! I am a bisexual woman that did not come to the true realization until I had been married 10yrs. & met and fell head over heals for a female at my job. It was an instant unstoppable attraction that led us to a beautiful relationship of sharing, caring, growing and fabulous sex with one another. Ironically they were attracted to each other as well, and we all shared really special moments with one another. She met someone else and because he did not approve of our past affair she checked out and completely left me longing for her touch!!! At that point I realized how complicated this situation was for all parties involved, and because of our life circumstances it would have always been complicated.
That being said 2 years later I am still hapiily married and loving life. Because my husband and I are best friends first, healing from that relationship got easier.
Here I am minding my own business, and just 2 months ago I met a beautiful woman that is 14yrs my senior and the moment we laid eyes on each other their was an immediate attraction. We have so much in common and have alot of the same passions in life! We have spent public and private time together but I am just so afraid to make the first major move.
Part of me want to go full steam ahead and see what possibilities lie ahead between she and I. Then apart of me wants to stay far away so that I dont put her in aposition of feeling like the third wheel, alone, or hurt. I know that I will never leave my husband, but I dont know if I will every be able to get rid of this desire to be intimate and touched by a woman! BOY did it leave a lasting immpression!!!LOL
@ sasha – there’s a saying that if you can’t take the pain don’t play the game. but just like food, you’ll crave for more if the taste is good. craving can be controlled. it’s a matter of choice and self-discipline.
I am the one that got dumped by my lesbian partner to pursue a relationship with a married woman with kid and who lives in another country. The break-up was very recent. We have been together since 1998. I’m still hurting so bad from the betrayal. The married woman was an old high school friend of my ex who was my ex’s first crush/love. The did not have a relationship back then but when they reconnected last year through a social networking site things move so fast. They have not seen each other face to face since high school but finally saw each other beginning of April. My ex and I have been forced to have a long distance relationship since 2007 because of my ex’s job. I have traveled to her state to visit at least 4 times a year and I thought our relationship was working out. I planned to finish my grad school this year and follow her but I guess that won’t matter now. My ex decided to end our relationship after she finally saw the woman in April and just told me that we have different needs (although she can’t explain why she thinks we have different needs). But I finally had to face the truth that my ex finally chose the other woman over me because she has given her power of attorney/health care attorney to the other woman – a legal doc i was holding for her since 2004.
I’m still hurting too much right now especially since my bday is coming up in less than two weeks. my ex emailed me this morning asking me if she can send me a gift. prior to this we have decided not to communicate for a long time since hurtful words and actions were committed by both of us in April.
I’m still hoping that what she has with the married woman is a fleeting thing but I know it is also wrong for me to hope that she will finally realize that I’m the one for her. I guess the only good thing that happened as a result of the break up is that she “outted” me to my family (she emailed my cousin about our break-up, and they never heard a confirmation from me about us before that) and now I know my family accepts me for who I am. Unfortunately, she can’t say the same thing in her case because until now she’s not ready to come out to her family.
I’m praying that I will heal soon and be able to move on and finally be able to finish my dissertation. I know I deserve somebody better who will accept my love whole heartedly.
@ cyndy – thanks for stopping by and advance Happy Birthday. been there and, experience wise, you’ll get over it. suggests move to a place with no memories of her and discard everything that will remind you of her.
I am the married woman with children and I have been with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. My oldest child died a year ago and it made things even more complicated. I want to make things as normal as possible for my other children, but I am so unhappy when I am not with my girlfriend. She lives in another state and I see her at least once or twice a month. I am ready to leave my husband but I dont know whats the best thing for my children. Sometimes I think that my heart is double broke because I lost my child and my girlfriend. I love her more than I have ever loved my husband. She is my heart. How do women finally get the courage to leave? I know what I want I am just so afraid everyone will hate me.
@ Donna. Welcome! Sorry for your loss. The courage to leave all depends on your appetite for risk. When weighing things down, keep in mind what’s best for your kids and your family. Family will always be family no matter what happens. Friends and lovers come and go.
ok, so I am a straight female who had an affair with a married mom who was 20yrs older than me. How it happened??? I have no idea. I think it goes back to realizing that women offer women something much different than a man can, and it seems to be something that is so addictive. Anyway, one her sisters started suspecting and we realized we needed to “straigthen up” so to speak. It wasn’t right, especially with kids involved, one being just a year younger than I. Breaking it off and continuing to still be best friends….is that possible? We’ve fought so much since we’ve been just friends, but we’ve both said that we couldn’t ever walk away completely from the other. We really have a love and connection that neither have us have shared with anyone. We connect on a completely different level, but oh how hard it is for us to “be good” and keep our thoughts away from the past. She told me recently she’s not near completely over it and of course Im not being younger and single. Im just really thankful we stopped and started turning around before we ruined our lives along with our families.
@YooHoo – Only a woman knows what a woman wants. Lovers can be friends. Suggests not to rekindle that connection to completely stop the affair. By walking away, you’re not only doing huge favor to yourself but to your respective families as well, especially the kids. It takes time to get through it but you both will. Time heals.
Wow this site hits home with what I have been dealing with. I am currently in a relationship with a married woman of 2 kids, and we have been together for almost 5years. The kids are fully aware of our relationship along with a few other people. When we are together we have the best time together, but when its time for her to go home my heart just crumbles. Although in the past she has told me that she is going to move forward with me and we were going to move in together, that day still has not come, and just recently she told me that she didn’t want to feel like she was leaving her kids. Although I am truly in love with her, and I know she is in love with me, I am at a stage in my life where I want more, and don’t want to feel like the other person any longer. She says she does not want me to leave her, and although I really don’t want to, I also feel like I am cheating myself by settling for less. Is love enough to stay. Or do you cut your loses in hopes of finding someone that will commit to you 100%. What do you do when you feel your hearts belong to each other? This/My situation is extremely stressful.
@mimi. any relationship can be stressful but what makes your relationship more stressful is there are kids involved. mothers will always look after the welfare of their kids before anything else. while there are some who are willing to take the risk in favor of love, it’s very rare. talk to her on how you feel about the whole situation. if she loves you, she will understand.
don’t settle for less when there are a lot in store for you out there. live your life to the fullest by not denying yourself of the good things in life.
Found this site and thought I could gain and possible share some information.
I am glad I found this website. I have been involved with a married woman for about two months. We have a history that goes back some 17 years. We have worked together for that long and about 15 years ago, my then partner had a threesome with this woman. I was participating for my partner and was very confused by the whole thing. The woman is still married and I am now single. The married woman has been involved in ANOTHER lesbian relationship (for about one year). The married woman confided in me through our friendship about this other woman. I did not know that she maintained a secret longing for us to have a relationship at some point after our threesome. Now I am involed in a love square (don’t know what else to call it). She is still with her husband ( I have no unrealistic ideas about her leaving him and we have discussed this as they have one child left at home who is 12) but has continued to see the “other” woman. We have had a wonderful and flirty relationship for the past 17 years and other than our threesome and some talk at some point when I was single, that is all is has been. I have recently become single and that is why I was able to act on her advances. Our time together is absolutely amazing and we are growing ever closer. I have no jealous feelings about her home life, I knew from the begining where things stood for her there. It is other relationship that I am having more and more difficulty with. She has assured me that if I say the word that she would leave that alone even though I knew about that too, she has told me by her persuing me that I would be her priority. I am so drawn to this woman as is she to me. The whole situation is so very complicated (as most affairs are), even if she were to give up her first affair, she is still a married woman. I know her whole family and watched as her three children have grown up. We brieftly disscussed this and she tells me I am not the one cheating, she is. I know this, but I am still envolved. Cheating is one of my biggest issues ( it is why I have ended the last two relationships I have been in), and here I am not only getting involved, but being the second affair to a married woman. I know the “right” thing to do is walk away from all of it. Then the emotions take over and I don’t want to let go. What the heck am I doing?
@T – Sorry to hear about how things are going in your relationship. Do a good favor for yourself, be realistic — your relationship is not going anywhere. It will just drain you emotionally if you let things be. Unless you are happy and contented with how things are going, then move on. It will be hard at first but time heals.
I am straight married mom believe in god, etc…i was 33 she 21. fell for her like no other!! she loves my kids, we started out as friends, even fighting not telling eachother bout the attraction until there was no avoiding it. we only kissed for first four months, she had more exp…even though younger. we went all the way, and that set the stage for a mind blowing sexual expr. of my life….i always fantasized bout the body of a women but the reality of this was even better. Now 3 years later almost shes hurting so much i want more for her but everytime we try and walk away, we come running back……i look at my husband , a know he doesnt deserve this, i know i cannot do this to my kids, i just cannot! I am most suprised that i would ever have a crush on a female much less fall inlove but yet here i am. Finding this site allowed me to see i aint alone, shes not alone….oh god i either need to “come out” whatever that intails, or stick to my life and give her a fair chance at hers, and my husnband all of me. giving to two people is wrong …naturally but the double life it aint ok wish me luck on doing right thing.
@ kella. welcome! you’ve come to the right place where lesbians share experiences and learn from each other. appreciate your openness and wish you the best of luck! Here’s one tip: Use your head instead of your heart.
Pardon me as a man for reading and joining in. My wife is in love with a lesbian. She is still in love with me too. There are many complexities which I don’t need to go into here, but I do want to say that we have all been making it work for more than six years now. This dyke was attracted to my wife and became her best friend for about a year before letting her know about her attraction. When she did begin to try to draw her to her sexually, she talked with me about it at key points. They didn’t sleep together or even kiss before we all agreed it was all right. I was willing for my wife to have a woman lover but I had no idea how far they would go. Everything said here about how only a woman can give a woman what she needs, and about the feeling of intensity and addiction, rings true to their experience. Yes I have struggled with lots of pain and jealousy. But I can see my wife’s happiness and knowing that she still loves and wants me makes such a difference. All the relationships between us have grown close and intimate over time. If this dyke hadn’t gone with her heart feelings none of this would have happened. On balance I am glad she was not prudent or careful.
@ Orpheus – Fully understand what you’re dealing with. It is normal to get jealous, but don’t let your jealousy ruin the relationship you currently have with your wife. Your wife may just be curious or just experimenting about the lesbian love and anything that goes with it. Once she’s done experimenting, she will get back to you. It is at this experimental stage that you should not give up on her. Instead, show her how much she means to you. Go on a long vacation if you can afford it. This way, she’ll have time to deeply think about what is going on with your current relationship. Make sure the vacation should be somewhere far. It may also be a good idea to relocate.
@ all of you. “This is why people say gays are no better than dogs, in a park. Sniffing any behind that presents itself. As a gay woman I am disgusted by all of the women, who call themselves lesbians, who will “go behind” a man. “Repeatedly”. These women lie, and say they are not sleeping with their husbands, but they are! And their husbands are sleeping with GOD knows who or what. Get some intergrity ladies.
I’ve been attracted to this woman. She is also very attracted to me. She is married though. It’s wiser not to get involved no matter how strong your feelings for each other. It’s too complicated. It may not seem so at the moment, but there are others out there who you can have a fulfilling relationship with without the drama.
By the way, we see each other almost every week. I have very strong feelings for her and she has very strong feelings for me. I cannot control how my heart feels, but you have the choice and willpower to select the outcome of the situation. Sometimes you have to let her go, no matter how much you want to be with her. The pain is only momentary. There will be brighter days and peaceful nights ahead. Rise above your emotions.
I recently fell for a married woman with three kids. She has been
very conflicted about being with me and her commitment to her
husband and kids. We recently slept together for the first time
and she freaked out and I did not hear from her for two days.
Prior to that she was constantly emailing me and texting me night
and day. Very flirtatious and seductive texts and phone
conversations. I was so upset I wrote her a very heartfelt email
explaining why this relationship did not serve me in any way and that
while I loved being with her, all I could look forward to was a lot of
pain down the road. She emailed back saying she understood and missed me but wanted the best for me. I did not respond. She emailed again last night saying the whole experience seemed surreal but I still did not respond. I so want to have contact with her, but know it will only end badly for me. I’m so torn trying to do what is best for me but missing her terribly. She is like a drug and I have to stay away from her one day at a time.
@ Allison – Welcome! It’s a relief sharing life’s experiences especially the hard ones.
Agree that if you truly love someone it works like a drug. But, remember, not all drugs can cure.
Thanks Jandi. I did not mean like a drug in a good way.
I meant toxic actually. Now I’m wrestling with maybe we could
just be friends and should I call her or text her or email her?
I guess I would just rather have her in my life in some capacity
than not at all, but we have not had any contact for 5 days and
I’m afraid to put myself out there again. any advice on how
to navigate these waters. And why hasn’t she called?
Am I that easy to forget about? Maybe she’s trying to respect
my wishes since I,m the one that said I deserve more and this relationship in no way serves me. Or perhaps she doesn’t care.
@Allison,
It’s better to have friends than enemies. Experience wise, an inexperienced woman (with another woman) will freak out at first encounter. Give her space for now or you will make her freak out more. There are a lot of reasons why she hasn’t called you. Perhaps a feeling of guilt to her family, respect for your wishes or perhaps she just want to satisfy her curiosity and you were her instrument for that. Whatever it is, your life should go on and not depend on someone else. True love will prevail — if she really loves you she will contact you. If not, she may just be using you. Now, that’s a wake up call! Don’t be used and be abused. There are a lot of good searching souls out there. Good luck!
Interesting, I’m a married man that accidentally discovered my wife’s long term lesbian affair. I came home a day early from a business trip, unannounced.
A little background statement so the scene will be clearer, we had discussed over several years of including another woman in a threeway, I know the most popular male fantasy.
We have been married for almost 15 years and togeter including early stages of dating for 20. Have two kids both are teens. Hvae what I’d call a good marriage Wife has a super high sex drive so the sex never dropped off. afterwards, learning from her what she was after from each was different so her being bi, she had meeting each of our (her lover’s, both husband and Lesbian lover) needs. she got most of the foreplay and soft love from her and she was primed and ready for the more aggressive straight sex we had, and yes often in the same day.
Well, back to the afternoon when I walked (slipped) in, with our anniversary coming up I just assumed that this was getting to know one another sex to make the 3way better or less awkard. So I strip down and joined in, the lover knowing who I was and afaird of both losing all contact with the wife and the fallout for the wife if she objected never objected, she herself admitted that she had had somewhat good relations with men in the past, was how she allowed herself to just go with it. Wasn’t until in the aftermath that their 3/4 confession was revealed. I say 3/4 confession as there is still something they both held back, like exactly how long for one. You know us guys, we want to know all the who, what where, when, why, and how often. Most was revealed but there were a few questions they talked around, ignored or refused to answer.
As for the marriage and her other life, well we are still married and the woman now lives with us. They have most of their sex late at night or during the day while the kids are at school or sound asleep. The wife is in love with us both and since neither I or her girfriend force her to make a choice she gets her cake and eats as well. Works for me now that she doesn’t have to hide anything from me she is even freer in bed and even more horny if possible. I have installed hidden spy cams in their room with their knowledge. The concession they allowed for my being understanding. It has improved my foreplay skills, but she usually is in a rush for the other, says she gets all of that that she needs from her gf. I still make them get together with me for the occassional 3way.
My only two problems is one still their refusal to come 100% clean and her reluctance to trust me enough not tell me she was bi early on in our relationship since her having sex with girls/women goes back to her highschool days. Well one more small one, is believe it or not cuddling, now she doesn’t have to hide her woman gets most of that affection.
My question, is how to not only get the wife but her lover to both open up more to being hugged by me and letting it linger, you know some affection I feel should be mandatory? You know, we men get a bad rap in that we don’t ever want to snuggle without it leding to sex, but I suspect they just assume I’m after sex, not true sometimes I’m tired or have had a bad day or just want to say thanks for what you each do, type stuff. I mean the wife is outwardly happier than I’ve ever seen her, little to no stress. The extra income her lover brings in means we only know have monthly recurring stuff, which means I now don’t have to work so much o.t. and accept any but mandated out of town travel. You know we guys aren’t all jerks all the time, lol. Guess, I just don’t want to sound petty or like I’m overly jealous, while getting it across that I one shouldn’t have to either ask or demand a hug and that it should linger a little. You know I get this feeling at times like while the wife loves me she is in love with her. I feel a little guilty for bitching since most would say I’m getting laid more than most husbands, but we all know deep down it is much more than that. Hope I made myself clear as I’m a math major type and this writing stuff isn’t something I have to do often. Thanks.
@TNDRIVER,
Make her more comfortable when she is with you. Be more open and be more approachable or, if you may, you can try to learn how lesbians show affection to women they really like. Observe and you’ll notice that the way they show affection to a woman they like is entirely different than what men do. Some ways may be the same but there is difference in what these lesbians do to really attract the woman of their dreams. While there is a saying that only a woman knows what a woman wants, prove it otherwise by doing something beyond your imagination but without putting yourself in a woman’s shoe.
Im a married man and suspected that my wife was cheating on me with a by-sexual female. I had her confess to me that she had an affair. She has known this girl from her previous job three years ago. They would go out on girls night until one day the girl was so drunk she had to take her home. That night ask her everything ok she said no it wasnt. im never speaking to her again. She then called her one day to see how she is doing and they met up and started to kiss, the girl thenj one day sent her an email picture of her privates. I saw it and asked er what is this, she then started to admit to me that they had kissed several times and never had any sex. I’ve ben maried for over 15 years and have two kids. I forgive her for the sake of our family. I had her meet the girl and break-off any relanshionship she had. even calling or emailing her. She told me ok i will to save our marriage. I asked her was she hurt and she said that it broke her heart.i know what do i do. i asked if she loved her she said no i was just curious, how curoius can you be if you done this several times. She swears she didnt have sex, but now that i come home it looks like her world has crumbled. I wanted to have a divorce so she can have her friend back she begged me please dont. Im just hurt that i cant be her friend. Im confused and need help fast. im 2 sec. to throw in the towel. This hant been bothering me, but everytime i come home she is just not herself anymore. im afraid she will do this again. Can i be right that she will do it again? i dont want to lose my wife for some curiosity, but im feeling very neglected after i told her to stop seeing or emailing this woman. Can someone bring the light to me and help me trust my wife again.
@Antonio2000 – Understand how hard your situation is. Your wife is going through a rough patch and needs your love and attention. If she can feel your love and affection she will not seek that kind of attention to someone else. Women like intimacy. Be intimate with her. Maybe you were too busy at work that you missed to see things that are vital to your marriage and thus to your family. She is confused as you are now. Give her a second chance and some time to think things over for the sake of your family. Sit down and talk to her and at the same time show that you care and love her. Tell her your kids needs her and you need her. It’s Christmas. Shower love instead of hate or jealousy. Don’t give up your family when you have invested 15 years of your life in it. Most of all, think before you throw that towel for the sake of your kids. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Hope everything will work out fine in the spirit of Christmas.
I stumbled on this site today and having read through the recent posts I hear bits and pieces of my story in each one. I met the woman of my dreams three years ago while I was in the midst of ending an abusive relationship. We started as friends but the attraction was so strong. She was and is the most caring, loving, fantastic person I’ve ever met. As my relationship was ending we began talking 24/7 — I felt this was flirting but was too afriad to ask, or act on it. I waited to see where it was going, and eventually she told me that she was very attracted me, despite the fact that she is married with a child. Guilt has been with me from the start, but the love she gave me, the warmth, the affection was something I never dreamed I would get. From the start she told me that she couldn’t give me a real relationship — and of course I know that, but despite countless conversations about how we are only hurting oursleves, we haven’t pulled away. She will never leave her husband, and I know that eventually I will probably hurt her way more than she will ever hurt me, but I can’t walk away. I know that she wants another child with her husband, and recently I have become suspicious that she is pregnant. I can’t bring myself to ask her. I try to tell myself that I want to move on but it’s so hard for me to imagine finding someone who will love me like she has. I am fairly intelligent — I know this is wrong, that I am adding to the stress of a family, and that no matter what I will end up hurt and alone. I just can’t imagine my life without her in it. At night when I am alone I feel like I’m being punished for being a part of this affair, and at the same time I think that she’s pregnant and it makes me crumble. Part of me wishes we had never acted on this attraction, and another part of me wonders how I will survive without it.
@Amanda — Welcome! You are not alone. There are countless women out there who are in the same situation as yours but are just afraid of sharing what they’ve been through. Take a deep breath and weigh things over a million times. Write the pros and cons if you can.
Ok well my story is a little different seeing as my girlfriend (if you can call her that) is engaged not married. However she’s been engaged to this guy for ages!! So she’s not married, and has said that shes not interested in getting married at the moment and has no kids. She has also disclosed to me that they no longer have a sex life and havent for about 2 years now. I’ve known her for about 2 years and we’ve been ‘seeing’ eachother for 4 months. She’s almost 11 years older than me and is actually one of the managers at my work, not my manager but a manager none the less. I’m hesitant to keep this relationship going as I dont see her leaving her fiance but some bit of me hopes she will and I also can’t seem to break it off with her. Should I stay and hope?? Or should I just give up (if I can)???
@Shelley — Ask yourself. Who is responsible for your own happiness? If you want to move on and be happy with your life you have to make a choice — a choice that sometimes require a major decision. You cannot just stay and continue hoping that some magic things will happen in your life. If you do that, you will be denying yourself of the other good things in life.
Wow. Quite the site. Thank you for all the open sharing. I am putting this out to the group/Jandi…fully realizing what the answer may be. I work with a gal 16 years my junior. She is married to a woman my age…they’ve been married for 1 1/2 years…together for 9…a 10 year anniversary coming soon. She approached me at work, gifts note, etc., attention, time, texts, etc., until finally saying she had a crush. We had a very hot romance for about 3 months…communication you tube songs text facebook until the wife asked if she was having an affair with me. from then on communication with my affair dropped substantially…summer with the kids put me on a further back burner…all the while she said “i feel so bad lying…i’ve never done this” and that she has wanted to leave for years.
she hasn’t out and out told me she would have a relationship with me when she is divorced (which she has been “working on” since we met) but wants the freedom to be able to see me or she” wouldn’t see anyone else but me”. We had two amazing weeks recently, i finally met the kids (of course they don’t have my name for fear they will mention to wife). After the two weeks of bliss–BAM, “thanks for letting me take my space. i need to get clear…figure out what i want to do” blah blah. All my friends say a) that I am being played b) that she is probably lying to both her wife AND me…that she might still be sleeping/sex with her wife even though she told me not and c) she is being emotionally abusive and manipulative–pushing me away/wanting no contact and then contacting me on HER convenience…making herself available on her terms. The last kicker: in this economy, costing me about a day wages I asked her to a show I’d asked her to go to with me for 3 months. She finally said yes saying, “i know how important the show is to you. ok…i’ll go” NO excitement, falling all over herself, nothing. I feel like if I leave her now saying “i’ll make this easier on you and remove myself…” then I am bailing on her as she begins her move out…she told her wife she is done. Oh and we still work together
@ Katya — Note the change made as requested and thank you for being so appreciative. Understand your situation and admire you for staying strong in what you believe in. However, remember, that the indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want. What exactly is it that you want in life? Do you want to be tied to a relationship where you share someone with somebody? Or have someone you can really call your own? Good luck!
I am the lesbian in love with a married woman. I am 17 and she is 24, no kids, and a husband that travels a lot. We met at work; I’ve always been open about the fact that I am a lesbian but had always ran with other single girls, never dreaming that a married woman would catch my attention. At lunch one day she kept asking me all sorts of questions about being a lesbian, and by the end of the lunch she asked me if I wanted to see a movie with her and maybe talk some more.
Long story short, we became lovers that night and have been together for almost 3 months. We’ve fallen in love and I haven’t been with any other girls since starting our affair. I’m worried though about my mom’s reaction to this. I came out to her when I was 13 so none of this is new to her, but I’m really afraid that she is going to hate me for breaking up a marriage. She doesn’t know that I’m seeing this girl.
And my girlfriend’s husband is totally clueless but is very anti-gay. Should we cool it for a little while until she gets rid of him or just let what happens happen? I’ve never been this happy before, and don’t like the thought of loosing her for even as long as it takes to get a divorce. Or am I just stupid or naive?
@anne marie – It is hard to differentiate right from wrong when it’s your heart dictating you. Yes, it is nice to love and be loved b/c you’ll feel complete. However, when it comes to relationship with a married woman, it is best to not let your heart dictate what your brain is telling you what to do.
You guys are a bunch of lowlives. I can’t believe there is even a website on this subject. I once almost slapped a lesbian co-worker of mine because she kept hitting on me and didn’t care that I had a husband. I told her svereal times that I was happpily married and I am not interested She was so annoying I filed a sexual harassment complaint against her. Worst of all my job told me that I should transfer but I refused because I worked there longer. I know that some people are persistent but this is ridicules. All lesbian are not like this but this woman is CRAZY. WORST THAN A MAN! To other married women out there who have similiar problems stand your ground, do not be intimitated.
@anne marie- Get out and away from this relationship. You can do better and you deserve better.
@Norma – Welcome! You are entitled to voice your own opinion just like everyone else. Appreciate your effort in posting a comment but one thing you have to remember — not all lesbians are the same. Lesbians are also human beings who just happen to fall in love with persons of the same sex. You will never know how it feels to be a lesbian unless you are one. You do deserve respect from the lesbian who hit on you. Experience wise, I did back out when the woman I like told me that she prefers that we just remain as friends. Until now we are the best of friends…
@Joel — It may seem funny but this is the reality in the lesbian world.
@Jarred — Thanks! You can share it if you have a facebook or myspace account and from there you can follow the link to our site. Will figure out how to add a bookmark button so readers can easily access the site.
Hello I have a gf but one of my friends that I found out she wasnt really my friend told me she wanted a brake up. a long time later I got another gf. then I learned that my friend lied and my old gf didnt want a brake up, and I told her I didnt want one. My friend was tryin to brake us up! I found out my friend *aka I will just call her puma* liked me. I went back with my old gf, but now im with two gfs! Im worried and I dont want to mess up my allready messed up love life. what do I do??? DX