I need some perspective. I fell in love with a woman from work back in February. She’s 10 years older (I’m 39, she’s 49), and married (for 13 years), with a 5 year old son. She was with women prior to getting married, and her husband knew of her bisexuality prior to them marrying. She married a man, she says, because the lesbian drama and break-up was too much for her to handle: she wanted something stable and less emotional. Now she’s emotionally starved and she and her husband get along terribly; they fight constantly even in front of their son and guests, they have no emotional connection (her husband says he’s incapable of “doing the emotional connection thing,” and they haven’t had sex in more than 2 years. (The no sex thing is confirmed by her husband, by the way.)

We didn’t intend to start anything, but as we became closer friends, an emotional and then sexual relationship developed. She’s very hesitant to leave her marriage due to the impact on her son and also on her elderly parents. But she’s also made clear that she wants to be with me. She and her husband and son are away together for the summer, and she’s asked for no contact from me until they return in late August. We had several fights in the days leading up to her departure, and I’m afraid I’ve scared her off. I’m afraid I’m being played, but I also know that she told her husband about us prior to leaving for the summer. They did a few couples therapy sessions prior to leaving where she was able to talk about me, and her need for an emotional relationship, and the possibility that she would go back to women. On the other hand, she never promised to leave her marriage for me; not until the last day before she left, when she told me 4 times that she promised to come back to me. She never says things lightly, and has always faced-up to saying the truth, even if it’s difficult for me to hear.

I don’t know what to believe. I feel like my mind is playing games on me….partly saying I should be done with her, and other parts saying I should definitely wait. I’m a total mess with this flip-flopping. Plus this no contact thing is excruciating–and I haven’t been perfect at it (I’ve sent 2 txts in the 2 weeks since she left, with no response to either.) I’m sick about this whole thing.

What’s your experience with these kinds of situations? Where do things go? How should I prepare? How do I make it through another 8 weeks?

Tresa

I have a several question to ask. Lately, I fell in love with a co-worker who is 10 years older than me. I just came out of the closet and I’m so new to this. My actions are very obvious that I’m interested in her, but i don’t understand how she feels about it. Unfortunately, no one know I am a lesbian. I started flirting with her a month ago. I gave her a gift and we went out a few times. She told me about her life story and other personal stuff, but I guessed she told everyone about it not only me. She is kind of a flirty type. At the moment she doesn’t have a boyfriend but she does want to have one but it is not MR RIGHT. I don’t know what she thinks so i didn’t make a next move instead I started to have distance with her. I’m afraid of many things.
Firstly, our age gap, I cant go clubbing with her
Secondly, perhaps she isn’t interested in me at all (something I felt like I’m being used by her)
Thirdly, she may be a bi or les but haven’t come out yet
Lastly, how am I suppose to have a relationship with her.
Sometimes, I’m very angry at who am I, because I give too much and get nothing back in return. I care about her a lot but she doesn’t need it. My question is should I try to understand her more deeply instead of making judgment?
I’m jealous whenever she said she went out with her friends. I don’t like it. I know the best thing to do is to ask her but I’m scared of rejection and after everyone will know I’m a lesbian in the workplace.
I don’t know please help me out.