Here is a story that will provide some answers as to why women, at some point in their lives, will feel attracted to another woman, married or single. Read on below and find the answers yourself or, if you are not in a hurry, maybe provide some advise to our friend. She needs it so she can have peace of mind about this whole situation. She is bothered for now, yes, but your help will perhaps open up her eyes to face the harsh reality of falling in love with another woman.
Here is her story:
I have never spoken about this situation because I don’t think these words would ever leave my mouth. I am obviously not comfortable with everything that is happening to me right now. My situation is very complicated. I consider myself straight. I have always thought girls are pretty and attractive but I never pictured myself sexually, or romantically involved with a girl. Recently I find myself thinking a lot about my friend to the point that I think I like her. She is the only one I have ever felt this way about. My friend is a straight woman, who is unhappily married to a man. Not only that but she likes this other guy. What a great situation right? We are both 28 years old and we met five months ago through a mutual friend at a weekend trip to a work convention. During this trip we instantly clicked. We spoke all the time and discovered that we have a lot in common. I also met the guy that she likes at the convention. It was during this convention trip that she told me that she wants to separate from her husband because she was unhappy. At the hotel pool she was very friendly with me. Dangled on my arm, climbed on my back, was playful. Granted there were drinks involved. At one point we were sitting on the deck while our other friend was cracking jokes. She was sitting next to me, and the guy she likes was sitting next to her. We were laughing pretty hysterically when she felt my arm and grabbed my hand. With the corner of my eye I noticed that she was trying to make eye contact with me but I avoided it. Honestly, I think I sort of freaked because this was unexpected and I convinced myself that I was imagining things. But I didn’t show it. I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings. At another point she crossed her leg on top of mine and put her head on my shoulder. I noticed that she did not give the guy she likes any attention. We went up on the roof with a few friends to relax on lounge chairs. She cuddled on a lounge chair next to her friend (who is also a girl). I was sitting next to them when they were cuddling. I was upset. I felt jealous even though I had just met this girl and she was cuddling with her friend who she knew for years. Deep down inside I wanted her to cuddle with me. I felt uncomfortable so I left. Good thing I did because they ended up falling asleep on the lounge chair. I know that would have bothered me. And I don’t know why but I have a feeling that they have kissed before or at some point in their lives. They were too friendly. At this point I’m thinking she is the type of person that gets friendly when she drinks. So I tried exterminating the idea that she was attracted to me.
The following night we partied at a local bar & lounge. Of course more drinking was involved. The lounge was pretty dark. She came close to my face and tugged on my lip with her lips. I froze. I wanted to kiss her so badly but I knew I could not because all of our friends were there and the people we work with were there too. I looked at her and smiled. We started dancing and then she bit my lip again but this time the guy she likes pulled her away from me. I think he was the only one that noticed. I was very confused because I wish I could have kissed her but I felt I could not. Not there. I walked up to her. I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back and I told her that it’s not fair because our friends and the people we work with were around. She agreed that we shouldn’t and she told me to go to her room in the morning. I agreed. I left with the rest of the group and she stayed with the guy that she likes. The next morning I never actually went to her room as I said I would. I was afraid that she wasn’t going to remember anything that happened the night before and that everything that happened was because of the alcohol. Or at least I was afraid she would say that. What can I say, I am afraid of rejection and more so in this case I guess because I have always considered myself straight. I don’t know what’s going on with me. This has never happened to me before. But I guess it’s a process that I will figure out with time? She called my room in the morning but my coworkers and friends had invaded my room minutes before she called. So I wasn’t alone and she just asked if I was awake and didn’t mention anything else. We all went to breakfast and she made several comments on how she had way too much to drink and did not remember anything. Of course I did the same thing. I acted like I had way too many drinks and did not remember a thing when in reality I remembered everything. I acted all cool when actually until this day I can’t stop thinking about that night or her for that matter. It bothered me and I was glad that I didn’t go to her room after all. What I find a little weird is that she kept saying how wasted she was that night and how she doesn’t remember anything even after a month had passed. Why is she still talking about it? Why does she have to reiterate so much and reassure?
We became friends since the convention. We kept in touch, and hang out almost every weekend with our group of mutual friends. So we have gotten closer. I sometimes can’t help but think there is something more between us or that she might like me or have feelings for me too. The thought of her feeling the same way makes me happy. When we hang out with our friends at one point or another we end up holding hands interlocking fingers and it’s not initiated by me only one time when she asked me to hold her hand. Then there are other times that she looks at me with a different look in her eyes. Not the kind of look you would give a friend. And then there are other times that she kisses me on the cheek out of the blue. I don’t know I can’t explain it. I don’t know if it’s all in my head or if there is more too this.
I know she still likes that guy. She talks about him all the time. They have only kissed. Nothing else has happened. Currently he is out of town for a month but they keep in touch through text. She tells me about this guy and how much she likes him all the time and although it kills me I listen to her and give her advice because she is my friend more than anything else. I have also gone out and met guys during this time. But nothing serious. We hung out Sunday. For the first time it was only the two of us. We were drinking by the pool. Things got playful and we ended up kissing. We kissed for a while. For me it was amazing because I think I have feelings for her. Actually I am sure I do. At one point she reiterated to me that we were both drunk. I don’t think we were all that drunk. Is she using alcohol as an excuse? Later on that night we went to a friend’s party at a lounge and we ended up kissing outside the bathroom until we were startled by some random girls that were about to walk in. My friend ran out of there. I didn’t really care because we didn’t know those girls. This time I was the one that initiated the kiss. After that there was a point that she held my hand underneath the table without anyone noticing but she quickly let go.
We hung out again last night with some friends and family. Again drinking was involved. She did not appear to be having fun. This time nothing happened. No hand holding, no looks, no kissing, absolutely nothing. I felt frustrated. Does she feel weird that we kissed? Did she not enjoy us kissing? Is she over it? Maybe she feels weird now. I noticed I got upset but did not show it. Instead I just started talking to some other friends. As stupid and immature as it sounds I tried making her jealous by talking and dancing with another friend of ours. Dumb, I know. I guess I was feeling rejected in a way and didn’t know how to handle it. Since I don’t like rejection. Or maybe I wanted her to react or do something. Which she did because she pinched my butt. But I was upset. Now that I think about it I was upset at the situation. Right now I’m confused. I don’t know what to think. We are texting now more often than before. Everytime we have gotten close alcohol is involved. I know it’s not to the point that we get drunk. I remember everything. I am almost sure she does too. So it confuses me. Does she use alcohol as an excuse? Or does the alcohol make her friendly and in reality she has no real feelings for me? We haven’t spoken about the other night. She never mentioned it. I didn’t either. I don’t think either of us will bring it up to be honest. I don’t know if any of this meant anything to her. Maybe it’s all fun and games for her and that’s it. I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. Especially if all this is is fun and games for her. I don’t want to scare her away or make things weird. Not only that but what if she is not honest with me? She is not an expressive person and she cares a lot about what people think especially her family. I don’t think her family would be cool with any of this especially since she is married. I don’t even want to think about my family and their reaction. I don’t know if she is as confused as I am? Maybe that’s what’s wrong. I am setting myself up for failure. I know I am. This is a girl that is unhappily married and likes another guy. When this guy returns chances are they will get close and it will kill me to see them together. I won’t be able to hang out with her anymore. At least not often. I don’t think I am that strong. I know I should back off now because I will get hurt but somehow I can’t seem to back away. Thank you for listening to my story. I appreciate it very much.
Thanks all for your help!